Never again
by koralina
Summary: Casey's thoughts during his second visit to Voight and a little more.


"Go ahead. Use it"

His words are like some damn echo for Casey because all he can think now, all he can see is that gun on the floor. One shot and he'll be free. One shot and that kid will be revenged and he himself won't have to look at his back anymore, worrying that he will be jumped, arrested, killed or worse the same will happen to Hallie. One shot.

The gun is still at his foot but he can swear it feels like it is right in his hand. How easy it would be to pull the trigger and look at Voight laying there, defeated forever. No more smug smiles. No more threats. No more problems. It's just as simple as that. One of them will have to disappear and damn him if it won't be Voight.

"You retract that statement against my son or you pull that trigger. Because that's the only thing that's gonna stop me."

His son. There's the third part in their fight, Voight's son, the bastard that doesn't care about consequences because Dad will be there for him anyway. But somehow it doesn't help him make that decision. One simple word, one look around and Voight isn't just a dirty cop anymore. He's someone's husband, someone's father, maybe even someone's friend. And he, Casey, is going to kill him, to end his life just because it's the easiest way. He is going to teach his son about consequences by not thinking about them himself. He's going to kill Voight with that gun. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.

He can't breathe anymore scared of what he could have done. Some part of him still wants to go on with that, to finish what he came here for. One more word from Voight and he won't be able to stop. He doesn't trust himself near that gun anymore. He needs to get out of here and fast.

He stumbles to his car and manages to get inside trembling like he's cold and in some way he is. What he did, what he was going to do it is inexcusable. He should have known better. He should have stopped much earlier like he was advised too. After all he is the one to know what he's capable for.

He was there before. Luckily that time guns weren't involved but nevertheless he let his anger won and it was ugly. After that he made a promise to himself that he would do all he could to prevent that from happening again. He constructed his life carefully creating calm and quiet Matt who preferred to talk problems off instead of yelling or fighting. Everything has been going so well. He even managed to keep himself calm that month after Darden's death and God knows Severide tried his best to provoke him. And now this…

His phone's ringing. Casey looks at the caller name. Hallie. He has ten missing calls. Looks like she has been calling him since the moment he drove away. He thinks about not answering after all he isn't in a good shape for her pestering but he owes her that. He's the one who has brought that on her.

"Hi"

"Matt. Where are you? What's going on? I was worried. You didn't answer the phone."

He cringes at her tone. He is sure her eyes are full of tears.

"I'm okay baby. Just have to vent out some of my anger. Sorry that I upset you."

"Don't be sorry just come home. I'll be waiting. " She pauses. "That 'vent out' your mentioned… "

She stops herself but he knows pretty well what she means. He can see it in her eyes since all of that started.

"Kelly's buddy has a boxing gym."

"I see. Well, are you coming home?"

"I thought about talking to Chief first and maybe finishing with my shift."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, pretty sure. Don't worry. Love you."

"Then see you after the shift. Love you too."

He looks at Voight's house one last time. It won't be the easiest way but he is determined to do the right thing and maybe for once he will be lucky and get his miracle. Because it's the only way for him to get out of this mess.

* * *

**A/N**: You all know what will happen next. He's getting his miracle and maybe just maybe he won't have to deal with Voight's revenge for what he has done to him and his son. Anyway hope you like my view on what was on Casey's mind right after his meeting with Voight. Don't forget to review ;)


End file.
